A moment at low tide

I'm starting to, actually I should say I'm resuming, research on "reentry" programs and ways to find jobs and other sort of help for young people with criminal records. There's a lot of good things written and a few good organizations here in Chicago -- one notable one called the Safer Foundation. Yet getting the boys to actually GO to some kind of program is the hardest part. I think sometimes --besides providing a place to eat & sleep- that my task is to prepare them to be motivated to maybe take some kind of action and, maybe, just to care about them enough so that they can care about themselves. In other words - they need HOPE. Without hope of any kind of future other than the life they've already known, they won't care the make any sort of sustained effort.


Young people, at least from my experience, don't often make sustained efforts. I know I'm generalizing here but, generally, youth of age 18 through at least their early 20's don't stick with the same activities, goals, and so on. It's a time to experiment, i think, unless they have children, and a time to explore and have various life experiences, & to find out who they are. But -- add in the marijuana factor, and things get very complicated; it would need to be a separate entry. Suffice it to say that "my" boys & their friends have been smoking it since a young age -- we don't know the exact ages they started but I can assume it was between the ages of 10 and 13. Their brains may have been affected. I recall the last information I read on marijuana usage told that it does not cause loss of brain cells - however the short term memory loss is well documented, if reversible.

What concerns me more from a practical standpoint, aside of the illegality of it, of course, is the emotional toll it takes on young users. It appears to cover up or stunt emotional development, which is hard for boys anyway, because of the need to be tough, to be "hard"; one of their mottos is "show no love, love will get you killed". Expression of feeling is usually limited to anger; often physical fighting but often it's not expressed because of not wanting to appear out of control. When they are scared they are quiet, or angry. When they are sad they are quiet, or angry. When they are hurt..... you get the idea. This topic, again, could be a whole separte entry. Or book. In fact there are books; the best one is Raising Cain; Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys. I highly recommend it, for anyone who has contact with boys or men!

The other thing about the "weed" usage (it's not my place to say "addiction", and anyway the literature says it's not physically addicting [as if psychological addiction is negligible]) is that their lives center around it. Getting it, getting money to get it, owing people money for it, cheating people, stealing (yes, even from me - twice I've had some cash gone missing) and feeling bad over not having it. Tempers get short. They become "hyper". Then there's the preparation, the negations to "match" a blunt with a friend, then, the inane laughter and sitting around being spaced out.

If I sound negative or intolerant, believe me, I am not - not compared to someone who has never been there. As someone who smoked the stuff for ten years (though it's 19 years now since I smoked), I understand quite well the obsession. Pot, as we called it then, was my lover, my best friend, and it caused me to feel so removed and withdrawn from society that I wanted to hide all the time. I know its effects, socially and emotionally, are not necessarily the same for everyone, but I hate to see these boys experience yet more isolation, less and less feeling a part of -- of anything (except the gang). Myself, I did not start using at such a young age, perhaps further compromising my development. Yet I also fear to see the anger, the rag & pain, emerge from these boys without more help & support than I can give them; I know also that everyone has to learn their own lessons in their own way and own time. For me to say don't do it, it's wrong, would by hypocritical. For me to point out it's pitfalls, and the elusive effects it had on me -- that's fair game. They know that I know how it is, and therefore they open up to me - as much as they are able.

So, there are challenges and more challenges. The bottom line, I rarely have a moment to myself. Tide is rising - the boys are coming home.